And we need to respect their interests as much as our own. It allows us to recognise that the living, the dead and the unborn are all here in the room with us. It so happens that the light is shining on this moment, here and now, and the idea of whakapapa helps us shine the light more broadly, so we can see everyone throughout the landscape of time. So which of them are you curious to meet and talk to? Which would you rather avoid? Which do you envy? Out of these many yous, is there one who you would rather be – or become? Some of them are impressive, while others seem smug and annoying. You then look around at these alternative selves. The you who put more time into making your marriage work. The you who became an alcoholic, and another you who nearly died in a car accident. The you who walked out on your first job and followed your dream. Also present are all the other ‘yous’ who you could have been if you had made different choices. Imagine yourself at a dinner party in the afterlife. My favourite approach to making this temporal journey to the end of our lives is a visioning exercise I call ‘The dinner party of the afterlife’. If we project ourselves to the end of our life, when we are lying on our own deathbed, how would we feel about it looking back? Would we feel proud of our achievements? Would we feel that we had sucked the marrow from life? Or might we, like Ivan Ilyich, be filled with regret? The point, of course, is that such reflections can alter how we choose to act in the here and now. The story offers a useful thought experiment.

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